All time low

I just wanna scream and throw a major, major bitch fit cos of everything that's going on with my life.

To start off, my bf(ex? - I'm not really sure since he still hasn't changed his fb relationship status and we aren't talking), was a major a**hole a couple of days ago. It's already given that LDR sucks and there'll always be that inevitable time difference. That alone just makes everything go haywire. Fine, he was busy the past week and I get that. So I always tried to stay up late just so we could talk. Call me whatever but I think that constant communication is the least we could do given the distance constraint.

Last Sunday, I waited online for him and kept ringing him so we could talk, etc. Then he finally wakes up, bitches at me over the phone and gives me a crappy lecture on how he's not obligated to talk to me, etc etc. Seriously?! Man, you are beyond horrible! Up to this day those words still linger in my head. Like poison stuck there. I get reminded of those harsh words ALL THE TIME...at work, while driving, while tossing and turning in bed. It's torture! I can't believe he told me that. As far as I know he should WANT to talk to me at the very least. No one ever said he's effin obligated to. Harsh. Very harsh.

The day after, he sent multiple texts lecturing me on how I shouldn't wake him up if I wanna be respected. Hello? Bf lang kita, you treat me like crap already, I can only imagine how much you'll abuse me emotionally if we end up (miserably) together. I got pissed and told him I didn't wanna talk with him indefinitely and I didn't deserve the crappy treatment. He then replies with "Ok.Bye!". And that was that.

I haven't heard from him for three days now...the longest we have ever gone without talking/texting.. No effort of sorts from his end to even check on how I'm doing. He's always online and seems to be doing just great. He keeps tweeting about the world cup, band practice and all the other good stuff going on with his perfect life. It just sucks cos I guess I'm still denying it - the fact that things have changed and he clearly doesn't want me anymore. See, the reason I'm writing all this is for me to keep on reading it til it finally sinks in.

To make matters worse, things aren't going so well in the office. I might have to start from scratch with another company and repeat the petition process all over again. I really need him for support but he just doesn't care anymore. And it sucks cos why do bad things have to happen all at the same time?!

I'm really praying for a miracle. I hope things get better or at least my work problems get resolved. With regards to the lovelife issue, people keep telling me cliche whatnots and sh*t. Thing is, it's really hard to be sensible when you're distraught. We've made our so-called future plans and it's really depressing to realize that those are just mere "drawings" now and I feel so foolish for actually believing that they would eventually materialize.

Then there's that feeling of cynicism. I hate it when I get all scorned and get really bitter about love. This is the 2nd time na ako yung iniwan sa ere (for lack of a better word/description). It sucks cos I love that happily-in-love feeling. Of course I wanted to stay in love pero sablay naman the guys I get in relationships with. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. To me all guys are pretty sucky right now. Mayaman, mahirap, pare pareho lang. Eventually they get really mean and abusive, esp when times get rough.

I just keep praying that hopefully things get better. I hope to get better little by little. Taking baby steps til I get there. True enough, "what doesn't kill you, (hopefully) makes you stronger". *fingers crossed* :(